Divorce can be one of the most stressful and emotionally draining experiences in life—and how to find a good divorce lawyer is one of the most important decisions you’ll make during the process. The truth is, divorce attorneys are not one-size-fits-all. The right lawyer for your friend may not be the right lawyer for you.
To get the best outcome—financially, emotionally, and legally—you need to be thoughtful about who you hire. That begins with knowing your goals and preferred approach to the divorce process.
Know What You Need
Before you even start searching for a divorce attorney, get clear on the type of process you want. Are you hoping for a peaceful, negotiated settlement at the kitchen table? Will you need mediation or a collaborative process? Or do you expect a court battle?
Different attorneys have different strengths—some excel at aggressive courtroom litigation, while others are more skilled in negotiation, mediation, or collaborative divorce. Knowing your preferred approach helps ensure you hire someone who’s well-aligned with your needs and expectations.
Start with Recommendations—but Don’t Stop There
Getting referrals from friends or family can be a good starting point, but keep in mind: their needs and situations may be very different from yours. Use their recommendations to build a list, then do your own research.
Look at:
- Law firm websites for attorney bios and practice areas
- Online reviews and ratings (such as Avvo.com)
- Court records (if public) to see how often and in what capacity they’ve represented clients
- State bar associations to check for disciplinary records
Check out the Divorced Girl Smiling Trusted Professionals
All the divorce attorneys listed on Divorced Girl Smiling have been vetted by the DGS advisory board, and many of them I know personally.
Prepare for Your Meeting
Once you’ve narrowed your list, prepare for initial consultations. Good preparation not only helps you evaluate the attorney, but also helps you get clearer about your priorities and expectations. Ask yourself:
- What are my top priorities in the divorce (e.g. custody, asset division, support)?
- What kind of outcome am I hoping for?
- Do I want someone who will fight aggressively, or someone who prioritizes settlement?
If you don’t know the answers to these questions, you might want to consult and/or hire a divorce coach. Coaches are trained to help you figure out your priorities, goals, wishes, and your post-divorce life.
Compile a list of questions for your divorce attorney ahead of time. Questions might include:
- Have you handled cases similar to mine?
- What percentage of your practice is focused on divorce or family law?
- Can you handle both mediation and litigation?
- What is your opinion of my spouse’s attorney, if known? Have you worked with or against them before?
- What’s your prediction for the biggest challenge in my case?
Be honest and share all relevant information—even the uncomfortable parts. The more transparent you are, the better the lawyer can assess your case.
Evaluate Their Communication and Approach
During the consultation, pay attention to how the attorney communicates. Ask yourself:
- Do they listen carefully, or rush to offer solutions?
- Are your concerns taken seriously?
- Do they seem realistic or are they making big promises?
- Do you feel comfortable talking to them?
- Would a judge like and/or trust this lawyer?
You’ll likely be working closely with this person over several months, so trust your gut. Respect, clarity, and compatibility matter.
Understand Their Fees
Legal fees can add up quickly, so it’s crucial to understand what you’re getting into financially. Ask:
- What are your hourly rates—and what about your associate’s rates?
- How is time billed (e.g., in 15-minute increments)?
- Are there charges for brief phone calls or emails?
- How often will we meet, and will I be working directly with you or your associate?
- How quickly do you return calls or emails?
- What can I do to help keep costs down?
Remember, a more expensive attorney isn’t always better—but going with the cheapest option can be risky if they lack experience or fail to communicate effectively.
Think Long-Term
A good divorce lawyer will help you not just survive the process but set the stage for your post-divorce life. They’ll give you realistic expectations and tell you hard truths rather than just what you want to hear.
Ask:
- Based on what you know, how do you think a judge might rule in my case?
- What strategies do you recommend to resolve this efficiently?
- How would you describe your approach to conflict and negotiation?
Final Thoughts
Ultimately, the right attorney for you is someone who:
- Has the experience and background to handle your case
- Aligns with your values and preferred approach
- Communicates clearly and respects your priorities
- Is realistic about outcomes
- Makes you feel confident and supported
Divorce is a legal process—but it’s also deeply personal. Taking the time to find the right lawyer is one of the smartest decisions you can make as you begin this new chapter.
Like this article? Check out “Looking at the Bright Side of Divorce”
