Want some Dating Advice? Self-Acceptance and Self-Love Lead to Love

By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author

divorce advice

I have some really good dating advice and it’s not what you think it’s going to be. I’m not going to talk about how to meet people, how to choose, how to act, and what to do or not to do when it comes to dating. 

I’m going to talk about self-acceptance and self-love as it pertains to dating. Why? Because I think it is the most critical aspect in meeting someone, falling in love and having a successful, fulfilling relationship.

If you think about why you got divorced, (or why your last relationship ended) it almost certainly had something to do with the fact that one of the people didn’t really have self-love. Am I right? It might have been you or it might have been your ex. Cheating or addictions, or excessive arguing…that is all about unhappiness and lack of self-love!

I tell people who are in the dating scene that they should go on dates with the attitude of “This is me. You either like me or you don’t.Why? Because I like myself!” If you have that attitude, wait and see how many men (or women) will fall in love with you! But, you can’t fake it. You have to really love and accept yourself. And how do we do that? By making good life choices, by working hard at being the best mother (or father) we can, by putting in a good, honest day’s work, by having faith, by taking care of ourselves physically, and by just plain old being a good person, meaning acts of kindness and selflessness, helping others, and treating people with respect.

And guess what? When you love who you are, and you accept who you are, you then give off this amazing karma that attracts people! And when you meet someone, your relationship thrives because you love yourself, and you are therefore happy.

This is a guest post by life coach, Sylvia Friedman. Her words are perfect in describing the importance of self-acceptance!


Self-Acceptance  by Sylvia Friedman

So many of us get in the way of our own self-acceptance. We tend to be overly self-critical, we judge ourselves, without good reason, and we set up dramas that are negative. Most of all we have trouble with believing in ourselves. Self-Acceptance and self-love go hand and hand. I believe that you can’t have self-love without self-acceptance.

My clients have one assignment when they come for their first session. What Do I Like About Myself? What don’t I like about myself? and finally How do I sabotage myself in my personal and professional life?  It’s funny how these three lists intermingle and reveal a lot about them.

One of my clients said, “What don’t I like about myself?” Response:  I am fat. As I read it I asked her how could she say that she is fat? She responded with “look at my stomach.” I said, “What about it?” She looked at me as though I was crazy and said, “It bulges.” I asked, “What size dress do you wear?” She responded with, “Size four”. I then looked at her as though she was crazy and said, “Size four?” I went further with “how could you say that you are fat?” She says, “I think I am!” I was losing my patience and said, “Do you always make mountains out of molehills?” She looked down and said, “Yes, I do!” I responded with, “Not only do you look for trouble, but what you said was a lie.” She smiled and said, “Don’t you think I’m fat?” I cringed a bit and said, “No, you are not. I believe you have a problem with self-acceptance.

So many of my clients tend to see themselves in the wrong light. They fight their true potential because they are afraid they are not good enough. So many of us have the problem with feeling “not good enough”.  This becomes a major problem when I coach them. There is a quote that I recently found and it says, “If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves it’s because self-knowledge is painful and we prefer the pleasures of illusions.

I agree with this quote and I also would use the word self-drama. Why do people count the things they didn’t do, rather than the things they accomplish. They seem to take for their accomplishment for granted, as though they didn’t matter. Is it the way they are raised? Do they receive compliments from their parents? Evidently not enough!

We cannot live in the past. We cannot blame our family. We need to live in the now, understanding who we are and who we have become. It feels so good to live with self-acceptance. If we can learn to feel good about ourselves then we cannot be abused, and we do not have to be tolerant of the things that hurt us. My work with clients is to help them to become positive in their thinking and recognize their quality in the best way!

Isn’t Sylvia the best? Let me share her bio: Sylvia Friedman is motivational speaker, a life coach and the author of a best selling parenting book. Silvia has been featured on Oprah, Donahue and several local stations for many years. Learn more: SylviaFriedman.com


Buy novels by Jackie Pilossoph
Take the quiz to get recommendations Divorced Girl Smiling Trusted Partners

Sign up for the Divorced Girl Smiling newsletter to get weekly articles on divorce and dating.

Sign up
Listen to the Divorced Girl Smiling podcast! a weekly show about divorce and dating Download the Divorced Girl Smiling mobile app


Ruthe Schwartz, Insurance and Financial Professional
Tracy Coenen - The Divorce Money Guide
Divorced Girl Smiling welcome video
Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *