Swinger Parties In the Suburbs. Here’s What I know…


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I’ve lived in the suburbs for eleven years. During that time, I’ve heard people talk on numerous occasions about supposed swinger parties that go on. I’m talking about men and women who are either married or in committed relationships getting together with other couples to have consensual sex with multiple partners.

 

So, when my article on the Ashley Madison hacking was published in the Tribune last week, I got a few messages from readers telling me that I need to write about these swinger parties.

 

Having no where to begin to find concrete information, I put out a message on Facebook asking if anyone would be willing to talk to me on the subject, and that whatever he or she shared would be completely anonymous, their identity remaining confidential.

 

One of the responses I got happened to be from someone who was willing to tell me the details of his personal experience. Here it is.

 

Two years ago, this guy was dating a woman who got invited to a “get-together” at a hotel in Lincolnshire, and asked him if he’d like to join her.

 

The two walked into the “party,” where in a 2 bedroom suite there were 6 or 7 couples and 3-4 single guys standing around having some appetizers and drinks. He said that similar to a cocktail party, everyone was just mingling and in conversation.

 

He said that he noticed a man walk up to a woman and start talking to her. It was obvious they had just met. After 5-10 minutes, he began putting his hands up her dress. A couple minutes later, the two went into one of the bedrooms and began having sex. A few people watched, while others continued to socialize.

 

More and more couples began doing the same, which went on for a few hours. He said that all the sex was protected, and that that night, he slept with two women and the woman he was there with slept with one man. Another woman at the party slept with 6 or 7 men.

 

Now, what you have to remember is that as he is telling me about this, I’m typing, asking following questions and turning 50 shades of red. Oh, my jaw was also on the ground.

 

My point is, am I naïve? Now that we know the swinger party concept is real, is it surprising to others, as well? Or am I the only suburban woman who thought that swinging in the suburbs was ironically an urban myth?

 

I found out that my source has been to several of these parties, both in the suburbs of Chicago and abroad. He said that there are rules he really believes in that makes these get-togethers safe and harmless:

 

 

  • All sex is protected.
  • No has to mean no, and people at the party have to respect that if you’re not interested in having sex with a certain person, you’re not interested. End of story.
  • The married couple (or couple in a committed relationship) both have to be on board with attending one of these parties. In other words, don’t take one for the team and do it just because your spouse wants to.
  • Don’t do it because you don’t want to lose him or her.
  • Don’t do it if you are the jealous type and can’t handle seeing your spouse with someone else.
  • If your relationship is in trouble, in other words you are having issues, don’t do it as a way to try to save it.
  • Both people have to be willing to talk openly and be honest about the experience. And, the other one has to be willing to accept whatever they hear.

 

I really try not to be a judgmental person, and I do believe that what feels right for someone might not feel right for someone else. And, as long as someone isn’t doing anything to hurt anyone, I’m good with that. But honestly, WTF????

 

Call me old fashioned, but I can say with certainty that there is no way in hell I could attend one of these parties. Wouldn’t want to. For me, part of the beauty of marriage (or being in a committed relationship) is that you are committing to be intimate only with that one person. That’s an amazing commitment that is special, important and that should be honored.

 

Furthermore, if I’m madly in love with someone, do I want another woman’s hands on him? Absolutely not. And if he really loves me, the thought of another man putting his hands on me should disgust him. If it doesn’t, I have issues.

 

In a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship, does the excitement of great sex dwindle as time goes by? Maybe. Maybe not. It depends how hard the couple works to keep their love life fresh and exciting.

 

I will say this. If a couple is able to sustain a great sex life and be monogamous for years on end, it is because they tried. They didn’t take their spouse for granted and they nurtured the relationship as they would a small child, a pet or even a plant. They cared enough to keep it alive. They made sex and passion and love a priority in their life. They found time for that. They didn’t let it slip.

 

Again, I wouldn’t judge anyone for anything that is legal and that doesn’t hurt someone else. So, if swinger parties work for people, have at it. But for this girl, I happen to think there’s nothing better than monogamous sex with the one you love. So, no swinging for me.
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Author: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling offers advice, inspiration and hugs. If you want a Cinderella story, be your own fairy godmother. You’re the only one who can pick out that perfect glass slipper!

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