I’ve been divorced for six and a half years, so to say I’ve had some time to get used to life after divorce is an accurate statement. In fact, I’ve almost been divorced longer than I was married, which is a strange thought.
But, no matter how much time goes by, there are still certain things I truly miss about being married, like that sense of belonging to someone. I loved that feeling of being someone’s wife. That said, if you’re with the wrong person, marriage can feel really, really lonely, which is something I don’t miss.
Last night, my friend K stopped over for a quick dinner. K was married for 27 years and has been divorced for 5. No big surprise that what we thought was going to be a quick 30 minute sharing of a salad turned into two and a half hours of drinking wine, talking, and laughing till we had tears in our eyes, the way only two really close friends can do.
We got into a conversation about life after divorce, and what we miss and don’t miss about being married. We both started rattling things off, so of course, the writer decided to whip out my computer and start a list, which turned into this blog post.
Here is the combination of what K and I miss and don’t miss about being married:
What we miss:
Falling asleep with my leg wrapped around his
Having someone to zip my dress for me
Knowing you’re with someone who made a serious commitment to you in front of God.
Have someone to bounce off a bad day with the kids.
Having a date for every function
Being called “Mrs. So and So.”
Having a designated driver if I drank too much
Sending out a family Christmas card
Traveling as a couple
Knowing certain things about him that no one else knew
Making love with the father of my children
His friends and family (with the exception of his mother)
His sense of humor and all the little things that only we would laugh at
The smell of his cologne
His foot rubs
Our own language
Feeling really secure, safe and loved
What we don’t miss:
Picking up tons of dry cleaning
Cooking food I don’t like to eat
Having to have sex on-demand
Feeling like I did everything, including changing every poopie diaper and waking up for every middle of the night feeding
Cleaning up after him constantly
His mail all over the counter
Having to buy his mother a Christmas gift
Having to watch what he wants every night or feeling guilty about watching what I want to watch
Bickering and arguments that usually turned into silent treatments
Having to hide tears
Having to hide shoes and other purchases
Not feeling loved or appreciated
Falling into the toilet bowl in the dark because the seat was up
Frequent obligatory get-togethers with in-laws
Arguing about finances
Endless kitchen counter crumbs
Him tapping his razor on the sink every morning
Not feeling really secure, safe and loved