Divorce Injustice: It’s Just Not Fair!

By Jennifer Joy Butler, Divorced Girl Smiling Contributor, MSW, Love and Relationship Coach

Perhaps you are experiencing the end of a relationship, or maybe the death of someone you love, or possibly divorce injustice, or some other injustice in your life. Whatever the experience, I wonder how many times have you wanted to scream from the top of your lungs “IT’S NOT FAIR!!” That this is absolutely not what was supposed to happen, that you don’t deserve this, that you did everything right. How many of you want to scream out “WHY?!?!?? Why is this happening to me?!?!?!?”

If you are anything like I was at the end of my marriage and when my father passed away, you have felt this way or are feeling this way now. It is almost like your inner two- year-old wants to kick and scream and throw a complete tantrum on the floor. The anger and resentment from divorce injustice threaten to boil over and you have to hold yourself together with everything you have.

Does this sound familiar???

Couple things…

FIRST… LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

I know you have heard this statement a million times and it may even be one of the most frustrating truths you have to listen to, but it is unfortunately the truth. Life is not fair. It is a sentence I repeat to my son over and over again, attempting to instill within him the lesson that “Life is not fair. The sooner you make peace with that, the happier you will be.”

Because, here is the thing. Life isn’t supposed to be fair. Life is supposed to be full of challenges that stretch you, bring you to your limits, and encourage you to grow. Life is supposed to be filled with twists and turns that test you and bring you to your knees.

Why??? So that you can learn how to transcend…. learn how to bring forth your gifts… learn what you are made of. All this to encourage you to grow to your potential. Let’s face it…. it is the difficult times that truly show you who you are and what you are capable of.

SECOND…

Whenever you are feeling a reaction inside of this severe intensity, it is actually a projection of something going on within you. It’s like this inner part of you, you can even look at it as a part of your inner child, is screaming for your attention… screaming out to be understood…. screaming out to be nurtured and loved.

No matter how much we try to bury our past hurts and pretend they aren’t there, the truth is they are in fact in there, and we get to know them very well the second we are triggered by an extremely painful life situation. If something deep inside you wasn’t being triggered, then you would not be reacting in the way that a two year old would act in a tantrum.

SO, HERE’S THE DEAL…

This is not about the person you lost nor about the divorce injustice you have experienced. This is about YOU. There is an inner piece of you wanting to kick and scream because she feels ignored, unheard, and invisible. She has attempted to whisper, speak, maybe even yell before, but now she is screaming!

So yes… it isn’t fair. It isn’t fair at all AND you can either stay there and get stuck in the absolute frustration of that truth, OR you can take the leap into the abyss of your inner world and heal those pieces that are calling out to be heard.

As always… the choice is totally yours.

divorce injustice

Jennifer Joy Butler is a certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives. A graduate of New York University with a Masters Degree in Social Work, Jennifer is also a divorced single mom who has transformed her own life. Jennifer truly understands her clients and the journey they are on. 

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4 Responses to “Divorce Injustice: It’s Just Not Fair!”

  1. Mike Tim

    Great!
    I have just gone through your article and it was very informative and yes little emotional too.

    I wonder why people can’t tolerate each other as we all have both negative and positive side. We have to understand each other. Everybody opinions, feelings, emotions might differ but it does not mean we should not respect them at all.

    Keep sharing!

    Reply
  2. Elena Jogbi

    It’s been five years since my marriage broke down but, since me and partner separated, we have been on family holidays together, shared dinners, spent every Christmas with one another. It was hard to disentangle our lives when we had three kids, a house, friends, family, plus 10 years of shared memories, but we did it and remained friends. Because it was our choice.

    Reply
  3. Zeke Yeager

    Keep up the excellent work , I read few articles on this site and I think that your web blog is real interesting and Power to the People of excellent information.

    Reply
  4. Michael genneken

    My x spent more money than she made for our hole marriage made more money than me till the last 3 years out of 25 years cheated on me with my daughter’s 23 year old in my house she took everything i had refi her credit cards twice in the house for over 14500 she got. Half my retirement kept hers took over 150000 in cash and alamony 156000 over the next 10 years she claimed irresponsible differntses I’m 57 no money left she never said she was unhappy we didn’t argue she cheated and then fialed for divorce she works for a court in Passaic county the mediator was the xpassaic county clerk I had no chance now I’m still trying to keep the house for my daughter and my dogs I paid mortgage wile she made more money than me and she spent twice as much i owe 55000 dollars more than 23 years ago i even when I was willing to go to marriage counseling and take her back she walked out and left me with a unimployed daughter and two dogs and the house i paid all bills for 15 months over 42000 lost that two I was bullyed can someone help me plus November 2020 I broke my back had major surgery I can hardly work I took care of our daughter from first grade to high school I took her to dance to and from school drs what ever now I have no future retirement and I have to pay her 156000 over 10 years how can I ever save for my retirement never going to happen why can she lie about the hole reson for the divorce and win everything I can prove there was no problem before she did what she did my first great year I put in a 25000 dollar bathroom any thing she wanted that was 6 months before she did it someone please help

    Reply

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