Divorce Advice: What Should You Do With Your Marriage Mementos?


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By Jackie Pilossoph, Divorced Girl Smiling Editor-in-Chief

Divorce advice. I’ll never forget how I felt when I realized I found “the one.” Forget the guy, I’m talking about my wedding dress! Standing in front of the mirror in an off white strapless Werkstatt gown, sophisticated with a little bling, but classy and elegant, I felt so beautiful and happy. All my dreams were coming true. This was the dress I’d thought about my entire life. In six months, the love of my life was going to put a ring on my finger in this dress, and like a prince and a princess, he and I would live happily ever after. The end.

 

Fifteen years and two kids later, where is the gown now? Sitting in an airtight preservation box in the storage room of my basement. Whether I was still blissfully married or what I am now: a divorced, single mom of 7 years, that’s where the dress would be. But the big difference is, if I was still married, I would assume it would stay in the box until my daughter was getting married and wanted to wear it. But will my daughter want to wear the wedding dress her mom wore, when her parent’s marriage ended in divorce? Hard to say.

 

On one hand, the dress is a lucky dress. Even though we are divorced, my ex and I had some really happy times, we were deeply in love when I wore the dress, and the biggest thing, our marriage resulted in two children we both love more than anything on earth. So, in that regard, if I were my daughter, sure I’d want to wear the dress.

 

That said, the marriage failed. It was miserable at times, especially at the end. Why would someone want to wear a dress that resulted in divorce?

 

Every divorced person has different opinions on what he or she wants to do with their wedding dress and other wedding mementos. Some people tear up wedding photos in anger, some secretly try on their gown and cry, some sell their rings because they need the money, and two divorced women even went on The Steve Harvey Show, where they gave their wedding gowns to a fashion expert who had the gowns made into fun, cocktail dresses. I was on the show as a divorce expert, by the way (I’ll let you know when it airs.)

 

Here are some marriage mementos and suggestions on what you can do with them.

 

Wedding gown and veil:

 

  1. Save it and give your daughter the option of wearing it. Let her decide how she feels about it.
  2. Give it to a resale shop and get some much needed cash, or buy yourself something really nice with the money.
  3. Donate it to a charitable cause to give a happy, young bride in love the chance to wear a beautiful dress she might not otherwise have the money to buy.

 

 

 

Wedding Album/Video:

 

  1. The site of your wedding photos might make you physically nauseous. They might be upsetting. They might infuriate you. Or, they might send you into a deep depression. I totally get that. But, think about saving them for your kids. If it was a time when you were madly in love, don’t you think they want to have them? Photos of the two people they love most in this world, who at one time loved each other enough to have them?
  2. Throw the photos in the garbage (which I do not think is a good idea.) My point is, there is no monetary value in photos, so these are your two options.

 

 

Wedding shoes:

 

  1. If you are into shoes, and you absolutely LOVED your wedding shoes or sandals, what’s wrong with wearing them? You could have them dyed and they could turn out to be your favorite picks for a night out on the town.
  2. Donate.

3. Save for your daughter, which is kind of gross because they are old shoes.

 

Marriage license/Ketubah:

 

  1. This is a toughie. I’d say put it in a box and never look at it again, because you never know when you might need to show proof of something. If you are considering throwing it in the garbage, make sure you shred it.
  2. Keep it, just because. That’s what I did. Just because the marriage resulted in divorce, it was part of my life, and I do want to remember it.

 

Rings:

 

  1. If you need the money, sell them. Tip: If it’s a name brand, like Tiffany, you can sell it on ebay for a lot more than you’d get by going to a jeweler. If it isn’t a name brand, that’s okay too. You might want to try selling on ebay or craigslist before going to a jeweler because you will get a lot less from a jeweler.
  2. Even if you don’t need the money you can still sell and buy yourself something nice.
  3. Donate. It’s a great tax write off, and you could be doing something really good for someone. Good karma!
  4. Save for your son or daughter. Again, this is such a personal choice, but since you were probably really happy when you got engaged, maybe you want one of your children to wear it. And maybe they will want to wear it, maybe they won’t. Remember, it will be up to them when it’s time, but only if you still have the rings. Wouldn’t it be nice to give them the option?
  5. Last piece of advice on rings: this is a really, really big decision so don’t do anything hasty! It’s okay if your rings sit in a drawer for years and years. When you finally decide to make a move, it will be the right decision because it will have been well thought out.

 

Other keepsakes:

 

I have big white lace box. In it is all the table numbers, my wedding program, my wedding invitation, my wedding shoes, my dried flower bouquet, cards from people, my wedding list, the key to the hotel room where we spent our wedding night, honeymoon photos, and a even the tube of waterproof mascara I wore that night.

 

I could possibly be the most sentimental person on the face of the earth, but I still look in that box every couple years, and while it makes me sad, it also puts a smile on my face and causes tears in my eyes (in a good way.)

 

In closing, ,marriage mementos mean different things to different people. My divorce advice is, don’t let your anger rule what you choose to do with things.

 

People always say, “Don’t focus on the past,” but I think the only time this advice is wrong is when it comes to looking at your mementos. What’s wrong with, (for a few minutes every few years) going on a trip down memory lane to a really, really great time in your life?

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Author: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling offers advice, inspiration and hugs. If you want a Cinderella story, be your own fairy godmother. You're the only one who can pick out that perfect glass slipper!

20 Responses to “Divorce Advice: What Should You Do With Your Marriage Mementos?”

  1. Tara

    I’m in my 20’s and I’ve not been divorced longer than I was married. No kids. He’s remarried and I’m in a happy relationship.

    I have no pictures of me in my wedding dress, which I still LOVE. I’m considering a post-divorce photoshoot in the dress – something that celebrates my independence (maybe displaying my tattoo of the initial of my maiden name, maybe incorporate trashing the dress?).

    Is that crazy? Has anyone heard of something like that?

    Reply
  2. Tara

    For anyone with children, I vote for keeping the wedding pictures. My parents separated when I was 13 and even as an adult, I love to look at their wedding pictures. I even have their oversized, framed photo of the two of them hanging in my office.

    For myself (no kids), I left the wedding album behind when I left my ex. His girlfriend probably burned it, and I don’t care. I sold my rings to a jeweler for a fraction of what they were worth, and I donated my dress to charity. I also wore the shoes until they were worn out.

    Reply
  3. Denise

    Thank you for the much needed validation! I can’t get rid of the stuff either…we got married at Disney World and had a fairytale wedding. The fairytale lasted 13 years and we both grew a part (and one of us grew up). My daughters love to see the pics and all the stuff. I do like the idea of having all of it in one big bin…then I can tuck it away and not run into it in various places in the house.

    Reply
  4. Danielle

    I was only married for 6 months before we separated and I do not have children but I just can’t part with my wedding momentos. Maybe someday.

    Reply
    • Jackie Pilossoph

      Don’t minimize your marriage (“i was only married for 6 months.”) Divorce is a really really big life change, and if you got married, it was a very serious relationship. Just because you don’t have kids or because it was a short time doesn’t mean you aren’t hurting, or that you don’t have the right to mourn just as much as a woman who was married for 20 years! I wish you a happy, bright future!! xo

      Reply
  5. Barbara

    It”s painful to see my wedding and engagement pictures over our bed and in the family room. My husband left home after 25 years of marriage and we actually dated five years before our marriage. The last seven years have been the worst. After almost two years of seperation he finally admitted that he doesn’t want to be married. He stopped wearing his ring years ago but I wore mine until he spoke those words “I don’t want to be married and you need to move on”. I’ve taken down those particular photos but left other family photos different rooms of our home. Sadly, these steps are helping me to move on and prepare myself for the very probability that we’ve come to the end of our life as Mr&Mrs. I’m glad I found your blog.
    Thank you,
    Hurt but not broken

    Reply
    • Jackie Pilossoph

      thank you for reaching out. I will be praying that you find peace and acceptance, and that you build on this and find a wonderful new life. It isn’t easy but you can do it. I love the “not broken” title. best wishes!

      Reply
  6. Brandi Frelin

    I am a happily married woman and have been that way for 17 years now. I have always used my wedding bouquet as a decoration on the wall of our bedroom. An everyday reminder of that special day.
    My question for you is, is it bad luck to just throw my bouquet away in the garbage?

    Reply
    • Jackie Pilossoph

      Yes!!! Why would you do that when you have had it on your wall for all these years?? please don’t do that.

      Reply
  7. Elizabeth Wood

    We were married 20 years but no kids by choice.
    I plan on giving away certain wedding things like the wine glasses and serving utensils.
    I will keep the actual wedding album and my dress was non traditional. I love it and can re-purpose it.

    I’m torn more on the portraits of us from the last 24 years. All wall of “ol west” portraits we did on vacations. The gigantic sketch an artist did of us. The family photos we did with all of our pets.
    The knit tapestry his gma made with our wedding date on it (though honestly I never really liked that)
    We could split them evenly but then what. I feel odd displaying them in my home and I don’t like keeping things in boxes. If I own something it should be used or displayed not stored for years.

    Reply
  8. Jennifer

    I’ve been divorced 8 years and have moved twice and my wedding album, wedding photo in a big ass frame…lol, preserved wedding dress and a big ole box and my Ketubah keep coming along. I have 2 teenage boys who could honestly care less about these momentos. I honestly don’t want these things anymore but not sure I should throw them away? This new place is a fresh new start and really don’t want these items in the house. Thoughts??

    Reply
    • Jackie Pilossoph

      Hmm…the teenage boys might care someday. Maybe toss/donate everything but keep the album?

      Reply

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