I’m someone who always appreciates humor. I don’t get offended easily, and I think it’s really funny and very much okay to make jokes even about serious, sad things, including divorce. In fact, aside from divorce advice, humor is a huge part of the Divorced Girl Smiling “brand.” I think laughing is good for the soul, and is healthy in any instance. I have to add that I recently saw the movie, Ted and laughed until I cried.
So, when I heard about this divorced guy who lives in my area, and who writes comedic novels, I was really curious to learn more. His name is Gary Buslik (pictured above) and I went to his website and seriously almost pee’d my pants I was laughing so hard. So, I asked Gary to guest blog, and of course, asked him for some divorce advice. Here is my Q & A with Gary, along with a guest post he wrote about his divorce experience. Enjoy and laugh out loud. It’s good for you!!
1. Is there anything you miss about being married?
GB: Sure. In March 1998, my ex actually smiled, and I miss that moment, I do. I think I still have a picture of it in my crawl space.
2. What are some things you can tell us about divorced guys that women might not know?
a. Women should always offer to pick up half the tab—whether for dinner, drinks, or vacations. If the guy lets her, he’s a jerk.
b. Texting is romantic for exactly two weeks.
c. If a guy asks you to exchange blood tests, he’s a keeper.
d. The inside of his car trunk equals the inside of his brain.
e. The inside of your refrigerator also equals the inside of his brain.
f. The higher the heels, the better (yours, presumably, not his, although that’s none of my business).
3. What are some things that turn you on or off of divorced women?
GB: I like women who make me look good in public. If they know how to read, it’s a bonus.
4. Think you’ll ever get remarried?
GB: No. I’d probably never find anyone who thinks I’m as handsome, witty, and brilliant as I do, so what’s the point?
5. Anything you want to say to divorced women looking for love?
GB: I’m the last guy who should be giving love advice. That’s your department. Me, I love my cat. When she curls up with me at night and purrs, I’m happy. She doesn’t wear high heels, but you can’t have everything. You can’t have everything.
Here is Gary’s guest post about how he used writing and humor to get through his divorce. Hmm…sounds familiar! Plus, Gary and I were going through our divorces at the same time, both using writing to cope. It also includes his JDate experiences which are laugh out loud funny.
I’d been a successful travel writer and novelist for twenty years, but my awful divorce, six years ago, stopped me in my creative tracks. For months, the only prose I could squeeze out consisted of discursive, incoherent, bitter letters to my ex-wife that, thankfully, I never sent, because my therapist warned me that if I did, she’d choke me to death and put it on YouTube (she has her own issues). Eventually, in one of her more lucid moments, my shrink told me she’s tired of listening to me whine, and just do what I do best, which is to write about my suicidal depression and make it funny. Then she suggested I stop at Barnes & Noble to get a certain book on recovering from painful divorce, that it would make me feel better right away—why suffer even one more night of misery? But because I detest paying retail, I instead ordered the book on Amazon, and even though it would take five days, I saved thirty percent, so, yes, I did feel better instantly. I’ll be glad to recommend my therapist to your readers.
Anyhow, I soon felt better enough to write A Rotten Person Travels the Caribbean, which chronicles my many travels with my ex and for which my former in-laws threatened to sue me but have since died, so I’m OK there, thanks. Writing the book managed to get a lot of anger out of my system, in a humiliating way for the ex but a blissful way for me and my poker buddies. Because they are too cheap to buy their own copies, I would read them passages aloud, and Bob Steinberg would bend over laughing so hard that Arty Kurtz could snatch some of his red chips without Bob noticing.
A couple of years ago, at the urging of my brother, who was sick of my joining him for the Jewish holidays, I turned my skills to JDate, for which I wrote a profile that, so help me, I couldn’t imagine any sane woman wanting to answer. I think I might have said something about being able to make only one outgoing phone call per week. When I immediately received forty-five e-mail replies, I became very frightened and took down my profile. But a month later, after getting over my initial terror and lying awake at night with a machete, I realized I had, in a weird way, discovered, as my cat would say, “Nip!”—which, of course, means something completely different to cats than to horny divorced men. But it certainly got me thinking.
So I went back on JDate with a more open-minded, less petrified attitude, and I realized there are lots of terrific women out there who, unlike my dour, humorless, sourpussed, non-cooking ex-wife—who, by the way, loved paying retail—happen to appreciate a guy with a sense of humor and who—get this—have senses of humor themselves! Who knew?
One door closes; another opens. I had been married a long time and had forgotten there are women out there who dig guys who will throw anyone under the bus for a cheap laugh (my ex hated anything cheap). So I started corresponding with some of these ladies—many of them are funnier than I am—and I soon had enough sidesplitting suicidal depression stories to write another book, which I’m putting together if my therapist doesn’t choke me to death first. I went out with a few of the women and dated one steadily for seven months before my poker buddies informed me that at some point you’re supposed to have sex. So I’m about to activate my account again, but this time I’ll be smarter and remember to remove the machete from my bed.
I hope this helps some of your readers, especially those with sharp farming implements. I enjoy Divorced Girl Smiling because, among other reasons, I had no idea you’re still allowed to say the word girl. I teach part-time at a university, and if anyone makes the mistake of using that word there, they wind up as a teaching cadaver in the medical school. Also, my ex would never let me use that word when referring to her you-know-what, although I did secretly refer to her breasts as Victoria and Elizabeth I. When I say “secretly,” I mean, of course, to my poker buddies. So I hope this will be especially helpful to your female readers, who may have had no idea what guys do when we play cards.
When he’s not teaching literature and travel writing at the University of Illinois at Chicago, Gary writes his own novels, essays, and short stories. In addition to full-length books, his work has appeared in many literary and commercial magazines and anthologies. He lives on Chicago’s North Shore, and you can visit him at www.garybuslik.com.