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What NOT To Do on a First Date

Written by Jackie Pilossoph. Posted in dating after divorce

 

Spend hours picking out the perfect outfit. A mani-pedi is a must. Invest in those boots you’ve had your eye on for weeks, and jog that extra mile, all in an effort to be fresh and ready for your first date with Mr. Perfect, the guy you’ve been dreaming about who finally asked you out.

 

But, when you actually go on the date, here are some DON’Ts that might make the difference in being asked out on a second date versus sitting by the phone waiting for a call from him that will never come.

 

 

  1. Don’t eat like a bird. This is all part of being yourself. If you like to eat and/or if you are hungry, just eat. If you pick at your food, one of three things will happen. One, he’ll think you don’t like the meal, two, he’ll feel uncomfortable that he is eating and you’re not, or three, he’ll think you have an eating disorder.

2. Don’t keep checking your iphone.  Put the thing in your purse and keep it there. If this guy is taking you out for dinner he deserves your full attention. You can text your girlfriends back when you get home! Exception: If you have a new babysitter, you can keep the phone out, but tell your date that’s the reason it’s out.

 

3. Don’t pay for dinner. Make the guy feel like the guy by paying. If you offer to pay the first time you go out, he will probably be disappointed and feel less manly. My rule of thumb is offer (insist, actually) on paying on the fourth date. (or make him dinner for the fourth date.) I do think it’s okay to pay for a Coke for him if you go to a movie afterwards, or pay for a round of drinks if you go to a bar. That’s just a nice gesture.

4. Don’t talk about your last relationship, OR your ex husband. Trust me on this one. He might ask you about your divorce, and it’s okay to give a brief, not too emotional summation of what happened, but stop there. Trust me! Don’t say, “he’s a jerk,” “I hate him,” “I hope he burns in hell,” and don’t provide details about cheating, fighting and all of your ex’s faults. If you do,  you will have this guy running away so fast your head will spin. Unless you were dating a beautiful woman or a celebrity, (both which would make juicy conversation) refrain from including conversation about any man who hurt you at the dinner table.

5. Don’t sleep with the guy. Duh. A friend of mine would completely disagree and say that I’m living in the 50’s,but the reason I feel this way isn’t just because the guy will think you’re easy. He might not even think that. These days, it seems like sex on a first date isn’t that big of a deal, which makes me sad in a way. Here’s my reasoning behind saving  the sex for down the road. I think it’s a good thing to let the new relationship breathe. Get to know each other and let the attraction build. Kissing is fun and sexy, so just do that. If you wait just a little while, it will be so much better and will mean more. Granted, each case is different, but in general, I’d say no rush on the sex.

 

First Date Red Flags: If HE does any of these, dump him!

  1. If he orders several cocktails (more than three) on the date, dump him!
  2. If he keeps checking his iphone, dump him!
  3. If he talks about his ex non-stop, or if he calls her a bitch, or any other derogatory name, or makes derogatory comments about her dump him!
  4. If he remotely alludes to how great the sex with you is going to be, dump him!
  5. If he gets the bill and questions the waiter about something on it, or thinks the amount is incorrect, dump him!

 

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Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling is a blog dedicated to helping men and women see divorce in a hopeful, inspirational way, with a little humor added to keep them smiling!

Comments (3)

  • Rhonda

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    I disagree with “If he gets the bill and questions the waiter about something on it, or thinks the amount is incorrect, dump him!” If there is a mistake on the bill and he brings it up to the server in a polite manner, I don’t see the harm in that. In fact, personally, I would like it because it shows that he is assertive and doesn’t let people walk all over him, that he is detail oriented enough to catch a mistake in the first place, and, more importantly, that he is financially responsible (which doesn’t necessarily mean cheap). If it’s a significant mistake (like being charged for a $20 entree on top of your actual order), I don’t think that he should have to pay an extra $20 just because he’s worried that his date might be offended (which goes along with the “be yourself” point from #1 on your list)

    Reply

  • Mike

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    Go Rhonda! Go Rhonda!
    I totally agree. Eyeball the bill and if it seems more than a few bucks off, then see if they made an error. If it is only a few bucks, then just pay it and set it aside.

    Reply

  • Joana

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    Yes true!

    Reply

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