Good Sex in a Relationship: Why it Really Matters


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In my “Love Essentially” column, published on September 11, 2014 in Sun-Times Media local, I talk about the importance of good sex in a relationship. Also part of the column, advice from Jessica Waxman, a great therapist and marriage counselor.

The Real Reason Good sex is important in a Relationship by Jackie Pilossoph

I bet if someone did a poll asking men and women to rank the importance of good sex in a relationship on a scale of 1 to 10, most people would give it at least an 8.

Remember the movie, “About Last Night?” There’s a scene where Jim Belushi and Rob Lowe are on the El, and Belushi says to Lowe, “So, you’re getting serious.”

Lowe sort of nods his head yes, as if he’s afraid to admit that to his buddy that he’s falling in love. Belushi then asks, “So, how’s the sex?”

Why was that Belushi’s first question? Why didn’t he ask the real questions, like “Does she make you happy?” “Does she bring out your best qualities?” “Is she kind?” “Is she considerate?” “Is she communicative?” “Does she tell you what she needs?”

Know why? Because aside from the fact that “About Last Night” is a romantic comedy and not a therapist, most people don’t understand that there is a connection between those questions and good sex.

“Good sex is an indication that you and your partner are attuned to each other’s needs and that you are willing to fulfill them,” said Jessica Waxman, a Northbrook-based licensed marital and family therapist. “Sex provides a connection that fosters companionship, attachment, commitment and support.”

Waxman, who has been in private practice for more than 10 years told me that 100 percent of the couples who go to see her have issues with sex in their relationship.

“One person doesn’t feel like the sex is frequent enough, or they aren’t having sex at all. It’s not what is used to be, or they feel like their partner thinks it’s a chore,” she said.

I’m not a therapist, but here’s what I can say about good sex in a relationship. It brings couples closer together, it connects two people in a way that not even the best platonic friendships are capable of doing.

Think about it. How amazing does it feel to be out in public with your spouse, look around, and realize that not a soul besides the two of you has any idea of the sparks and electricity that took place in your bedroom last night? I think good sex in a relationship is an added layer that makes you love someone at a more intense level, which strengthens the bond you already have.

So, if you don’t have good sex in your relationship, how do you obtain it?

Here are Waxman’s tips: Click here to read the rest of the article in Sun-Times Media local!


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Author: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling offers advice, inspiration and hugs. If you want a Cinderella story, be your own fairy godmother. You're the only one who can pick out that perfect glass slipper!

5 Responses to “Good Sex in a Relationship: Why it Really Matters”

  1. Sex starved diva

    Day five of my separation and I often second guess my decision to separate especially after the children question experienced the truth. However, seeing this post is reassuring! My spouse of 15 years never advanced me sexually. I made excuses for it in order to not feel the pain. It was his past, childhood abuse etc. but at the end of the night and after my prayers, my lingerie, my candles, my steamy notes, my chocolates, I decided that he was starving me of something any relationship needs in order to be connected. I can get the attention of any other but never him and that above all other reasons is why I decided to let it go. AMEN SISTER!! Sex is so important and I can have better sex alone than no sex with a man that rarely shows interest lol!!

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  2. Liv

    I have a friend who abstained prior to her second marriage. Then it turned out that hubs was only into sex for procreation. If that often. I never understood it. How or why would you leave out this very important part of married life in the pre-marital state? Sure – there are other important parts of the relationship that have to come into place, but for people like me (and my friend), sex should be one of them.

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